


Underhanded Tactics

by Charity_Angel



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Light BDSM, M/M, Mind Games, Multi, Semi-Public Sex, Spanking, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-06 17:39:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1866570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charity_Angel/pseuds/Charity_Angel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tosh resolves to get her man. By any means necessary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Plot

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit of a weird one. It's written in a kind of Pratchett-esque style, with footnotes (all you should have to do is hover over the number, if I've done this right). This is also, at present, unfinished, but I have a plan. I know what I'm doing (for a change).

“Um, can I ask you two something?”

Jack and Ianto looked up from trying to locate Jack’s desk under the paperwork. That the desk was a useful surface for sex was secondary; the foremost concern in Ianto’s mind was that He Could No Longer See The Desk For Paperwork, and therefore the paperwork Would Be Done1 .

Jack, relieved for the distraction, waved her in2. Curiously, she closed the door. Everyone in Torchwood knew what a closed door meant. In theory, anyway: Gwen seemed to forget regularly3.

“Tosh, what’s wrong?”

Ianto was on his feet like a shot at the unusual door-closing, his arm around Tosh, guiding her to the sofa, sitting beside her and fussing. She grabbed his hand with a naughty grin.

“How do you feel about a little deception?”

The two men exchanged puzzled looks.

“You both know how I feel about Owen,” she said.

“He’s not good enough for you, Tosh,” Ianto said with a sigh. It was the topic of many an evening spent in the pub4.

“He just needs to realise what he’s missing out on,” Jack disagreed, coming to sit on the other side of Tosh. “Tell us what you’re thinking.”

“Would you take me out on a couple of dates? I mean, I’d pay…”

Jack grinned suddenly. “You want to make him jealous?”

She nodded and Ianto hugged her. “If you’re sure he’s the one you want, it would be our pleasure.”

“And you won’t pay a penny,” Jack agreed, snuggling into them affectionately. “After everything you did for us5, we can return the favour. And we’re going to enjoy doing it.”

* * *

1 Admittedly, its secondary use was what motivated Jack more. That and the threat of enforced celibacy until the paperwork was complete. Ianto had been hesitant about using sex (or lack thereof) as a weapon against Jack after Lisa (from whom, ironically, he had learned the tactic in the first place), but in these instances, Jack didn’t seem to mind that much. Not when he got his reward for good behaviour.

2 Bribery with sex was just, sometimes, not enough for paperwork. Not that Ianto wasn’t hot enough to make it work under normal circumstances, but this was paperwork.

3 Jack had a theory that Gwen got her rocks off catching them in the act, but Ianto was convinced that she just forgot about the closed door rule. Ianto was normally right about these things, but Jack refused to believe she was that stupid.

4 Tosh and Ianto had bonded over something or other at some point. Probably around the time of CyberLisa’s death, Jack wasn’t too sure. But they seemed to go out for drinks together quite a lot these days, and Jack wasn’t invited. He should probably be more upset than he was about that.

5 Which is another story entirely. One that might be written, one day, but the author writes painfully slowly on occasions. Which was okay by Jack – it kept Ianto in a state of perpetual alive-ness that otherwise shouldn’t be possible.


	2. The Rules

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which ground rules about touching are established and Tosh gains new respect for Ianto.

Untangling their limbs from the impromptu cuddle on the sofa in Jack’s office, Tosh, Jack and Ianto sat companionably.

“If we’re going to do this, I think we need to establish some boundaries,” Ianto said pragmatically, straightening his suit. “How far you want us to go.”

“Sounds kinky,” Jack said from her other side, with that trademark grin. Over her head, Ianto glared at him. Tosh giggled; she loved her boys dearly, and seeing them being so domestic was just wonderful. But Ianto was right, if they were going to do this, they needed some ground rules. If nothing else, Owen was the only one she wanted to make jealous: it wouldn’t do for either Jack or Ianto to think she was stepping on their toes. That was why she had come to both of them; she knew either would have done this for her in a heartbeat even just a few months ago, but now they were a package deal, whether they knew it or not 6.

“Rule one: no sex.”

Jack pouted playfully. “Are you sure? Because we could probably get you to forget about Owen completely.”

“Jack! Tosh, we agree. What about kissing?”

Her face lit up, her eyes shining with mischief. “I think we’d struggle to convince him if we didn’t kiss.”

“Jack, you’re going to need to be careful 7. Tosh, if you ever feel like you’re not in control, like your head is spinning and he’s the only thing in the world, tell him straight away.”

Tosh thought about that for a moment before deciding something. “I think you need to show me what I need to watch out for.”

Ianto snorted, amused. “Scientist.”

“Yep,” she replied proudly.

“Let’s get the other rules sorted out while you can still think,” Ianto said firmly, reaching over Tosh’s shoulder and holding Jack back. He looked far too eager to sweep Tosh off her feet.

“Rule three: keep groping above the waist.”

“Hmm…”

“What?”

Ianto got up and held out a hand to Jack. “Let me demonstrate. Jack, follow Tosh’s rule.”

Tosh settled in as her two boys kissed right in front of her. It wasn't one of their frenzied, passionate kisses normally found after some particularly dangerous encounter (particularly if Jack had died and Ianto was convincing himself that everything was okay), or her personal favourite, the gentle, tender expression of the love neither of them would admit to out loud; this was somewhere in between, still filled with passion, and so much better than watching on the CCTV. But, they didn’t seem quite as natural as usual: Jack’s hands were both on Ianto’s waist, Ianto had one on Jack’s waist, the other in his hair. Thinking about it, it was like watching two teenagers share their first clumsy kiss; romantic 8 but chaste and uncertain. Then, seemingly on some unspoken command, Ianto grabbed Jack’s bum, pulling him close. Jack relaxed more, his hands acting more freely, sliding downwards.

They turned to her as one when they parted, and she hoped she didn’t look as flushed as she felt. She swallowed, her mouth dry.

“I understand.”

Ianto studied her carefully. “But are you okay with it?”

“There’s only way to find out,” she found herself saying brazenly.

Jack stepped away from Ianto. She had always been grateful that he didn’t cloud her mind with his pheromones, and given how intense that kiss was, he was probably getting close to losing his tenuous control over his body. Ianto was right; they needed to get all these rules established before she let her scientific curiosity loose on Jack 9.

Ianto held his hand out to her instead, helped her to her feet gently. His left hand reached out, touched her cheek tenderly and she found herself leaning into the touch. She closed the gap between them and her eyes fluttered closed as Ianto bent his head, his lips brushing against hers.

It wasn’t smouldering like she had seen with Jack, and Tosh was very conscious that it was Ianto she was kissing, but he really was very good at this. The hand that had been on her cheek found its way into her hair, the other was sedately sitting on her waist. She felt his tongue sweep along her bottom lip, and she was barely aware of the fact that she responded, barely aware of his hand dropping to grasp her bum and pull her flush with his body. All she knew was that she wanted him to carry on.

“I think she’s good with it, Ianto.”

Jack’s amused tone brought them both back to reality. Ianto looked bemused when they parted, his eyes dark, filled with affection for… for both of them, she was stunned to realise. In different ways, yes, but he did love her too. She wondered how she had never realised that before.

“I wouldn’t normally interrupt, but I want my turn some time before Owen clocks off tonight.”

She giggled and smoothed her hair. “That sounds fair. Ianto, are you all right?”

He was rubbing the back of his neck gingerly and trying to ignore the fact that Jack was openly laughing at him.

“My neck isn’t used to bending to kiss any more,” he admitted, blushing. Oh, how adorable, but she didn’t want to cause him pain.

“I’ll get used to it again, I’m sure,” he said hastily, seeing the flash of concern in her expression. “So, we’ll amend rule three to include bums. “

“How jealous do you want to make Owen?” Jack asked her. He was leaning against the wall, arms folded, watching her and Ianto carefully.

Ianto sighed and rolled his eyes. He clearly understood something Tosh didn’t.

“Jack has a bad habit,” Ianto confessed. Inexplicably, he started to loosen his tie. “Owen knows about it, so I suppose it makes sense to discuss it now.”

He unbuttoned his collar and pulled it away from his neck, revealing a cluster of love bites.

“Oh! Maybe we can save that for later? Do I even want to know how Owen knows?”

Ianto shrugged as he redressed himself. “He’s our doctor.”

That should have been obvious, really, Tosh realised.

“So,” she said briskly, trying to return some sense to the proceedings as Ianto retied his tie. “Rule one: no sex; rule two: if Jack overwhelms me, say something; rule three, no truly inappropriate groping. Do you two have any rules you want to set?”

“Just an extension of rule two really; that we all need to be honest with each other,” Ianto said. “If any of us is uncomfortable, or someone crosses a line, speak up. “

“You know this sounds like a contract between a dom and sub, don’t you? All we’re missing is a safe word.” 

Trust Jack. But then Ianto surprised her.

“Myfanwy,” he suggested. When the other two looked at him in bewilderment, he shrugged. “It’s something plausible to say around the Hub, and it’s not exactly something _any_ of us would say ‘in the heat of the moment’.”

Knowing that Ianto was familiar with safe words sent Tosh’s mind whirling: there was nothing like _that_ in her not-so-secret stash of CCTV footage. Shame.

“Oh, I wish I could see what you’re thinking about.” Jack broke into her thoughts.

“I bet you do,” she shot back with a grin of her own.

“Oh god, we’ve unleashed a monster. Okay, rule four: no joking about restraining Jack.”

Jack paled, just a little, his formerly relaxed stance rigid.

“And that would be why,” Ianto continued by means of explanation. “She had to know, Jack.”

Jack nodded stiffly. Tosh’s mind went off on another tangent. To have such a visceral10 reaction to even just the rule being spoken, it was something big.

“Let’s just steer clear of any suggestions of anything BDSM,” she suggested. Jack relaxed visibly. Yes, that was definitely big, so big she wasn’t going to be able to worm it out of Ianto11. They might tell her in time, she supposed, but it would be Jack’s decision to share.

She turned her brightest smile on Jack, hoping to break the sudden tension. “Come on then, show me what I’ve missed out on all these years.”

He laughed, a glorious pure sound that she loved to hear. “You, Toshiko Sato, are something else. Ianto, are you sure we can’t keep her for ourselves?”

“What makes you think I want you?” Tosh responded before Ianto could speak. “Now, Ianto would be a different story.”

Jack seemed to take that as a challenge. He grabbed her, pulled her close, holding her tightly to him. “Let me change your mind.”

Unsurprisingly, he was not as patient and gentle as Ianto, but Jack was in no way forceful when he dipped his head. She met his mouth without hesitation, let herself get swept away. She pressed herself into him, wanting, needing to be closer to him. Her fingers clutched at his shirt, wondering why it was between them, why she couldn’t touch his smooth, flawless skin instead of…

“Jack!”

Jack released her immediately at Ianto’s shout. She whimpered, trembling at the sudden loss of Jack’s presence. How dare someone come between them?

“Oh!” She took a few deep breaths, glad that Jack was suddenly right on the other side of the office, a horribly guilty expression on his face. Ianto was at her side almost immediately, filling the void Jack’s absence left.

“This is what you meant, isn’t it?” Her voice sounded shaky, even to her own ears.

Ianto hugged her to his chest, back to his role as being her brother rather than a lover. “Yes, that’s what I meant.”

She tipped her head back, looked up at him incredulously. “How can you ever think?”

He chuckled, the sound reverberating around his chest. “It’s easier with practice. But he can still cloud my head when he wants to.12”

“Tosh, I’m so sorry.”

She pulled away from Ianto, just a fraction, and shook her head. “Don’t be. I need to know what it feels like. I _asked_ to know. 13”

“I think we should leave it there for now,” Ianto said. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Yes, you look suitably flustered for going back to Owen. Have fun.”

She made sure she was out of the door before she started to straighten her top and hair.

 

6 And how she wanted to knock their heads together on occasions about that. What was it about men that made them so unwilling to commit, even when they were committed? It kind of made Tosh wish she was actually a lesbian, although she freely admitted she would probably end up head-over-heels for someone as emotionally dysfunctional as Gwen if she were.

7 Because of her history with UNIT, Jack always kept a very firm rein on his pheromones around her. He had never asked whether or not she had been raped; they discussed very little about it, but he had assumed that she would find the lack of self-control disturbing. More so than the others, anyway. Tosh had always appreciated his efforts (once she knew, anyway), but it did mean that, while she knew Ianto was somewhat used to the effects, she really, really wasn’t.

8 with a healthy side of lust

9 Part of her wondered how, as a scientist, she had never managed to see Jack as a lab rat at all? He was from the future, doubtlessly genetically engineered at some point, had made one too many jokes about having been pregnant for it not to be true and, of course, immortal. And yet all she normally saw was her emotionally-fragile boss who needed someone as down-to-Earth as Ianto to keep him on the straight and narrow.

10 For Jack, anyway

11 Normally she could get titbits out of him, little things to spice up the already spicy videos she had of the two of them, but if there was something Ianto didn’t want to talk about, he would clam up tighter than Jack. Especially if said piece of information was about Jack. Tosh didn’t necessarily see this as a bad thing – Jack needed someone he could trust to confide in, and Ianto had earned that trust in spades.

12 Tosh knew that sentence should end with ‘and I let him’. Ianto was quite the expert at not breathing through his nose these days.

13 And she now knew that Ianto hadn’t been kidding, or exaggerated, when they had talked about Jack’s almost narcotic effect.


	3. Playtime Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ianto starts flirting with Tosh, and a new element of their game starts to develop.

After calming Jack and his genetically engineered libido down by means of a blow job, they had fun plotting how they were going to play this14. Jack had agreed that it would be more plausible if Ianto made the first move, as it were: everyone knew that he and Tosh were close, and it would be more noticeable if he were suddenly to become more intimate because of his natural reservedness. 

So Ianto had spent two days being just a bit too forward with Tosh, lingering touches as he handed over her coffee, standing a little too close when they talked. When she had clicked, she called him over to check something on her computer. He leaned in close, a hand resting carelessly on her shoulder as she pointed to things on the screen - actually shoes she had been looking at online, along with a Janto production running in the bottom right-hand corner. Spotting that, his lips had found her ear.

“You naughty, naughty girl,” he whispered, full of affection and laughter. His hand moved to the nape of her neck and massaged gently. “You’ll give Jack ideas if you insist on watching that.”

“So, do you think there’s a pattern?” she asked, loud enough for everyone else to hear her.

Ianto gave a cursory glance at her shoes, trying not to laugh. She was pointing at a leopard-print pair that were definitely not her.

“It’s difficult to say,” he said. “I think we need some more data. Why don’t I get us a couple of coffees and we’ll work on it together?”

He straightened, turned, and was glad to see that Gwen was staring.

“Would you like a cup too?” he asked, giving her a friendly little smile. This was just like with Jack at the beginning, when they had pretended nothing was going on. This was something he could do, and would enjoy using his ill-gotten skills for good15.

She blinked her enormous eyes, as if trying to persuade herself she hadn’t just seen what she thought she had. “Er, yes please.”

Ianto looked up as he turned his back on the two women. Jack was watching him silently from the balcony. He was doing a good impression of looking thoughtful and brooding, possibly even betrayed, his brow furrowed at Ianto. Right up until he winked. It was clearly an act for Gwen, who was currently staring at Tosh, trying to work out what the hell had just gone on. This was going to be far too enjoyable if they got to mess with Gwen as well as make Owen jealous16.

He made the coffee, delivered a mug to everyone (including and especially Jack, who gave him a thorough snogging), and sat down next to Tosh, perpetrating the ruse. In reality, he sat and finished off some half-complete catalogue entries whilst he pinged IMs back and forth to both Tosh and Jack. The last one to Tosh suggested that she should follow him down to the archives after a suitably suspicious interval.

.oOo.

Tosh was trying so hard not to laugh as Ianto waylaid her, half in the line of sight of a CCTV camera, en route to the archives.

“She’ll tell him, won’t she?” Ianto pulled her into his arms, brushing his thumb against her cheek and smiling.

“Oh yes,” Tosh assured him, leaning into his embrace. “She’ll tell him, because she’ll need to tell someone, and it can’t be you, me or Jack.”

“Excellent. Now, Dr Sato, I do believe we have a potential audience to entertain.” He ducked his head and she met his lips eagerly. She had spent the last two days recalling the kisses her boys had given her. She told herself it was because it had been the first time she had been kissed since Mary, but in reality, the kiss she had gotten from Ianto had been the best of her life. Until Jack had swept her into his arms, that was.

He _was_ good at this, Tosh mused. Why were all the good ones taken and/or gay? Or in this instance bi but completely besotted with each other?

She was a bit more adventurous this time, she allowed her hands to thread themselves into his thick, curly hair. She hoped someone was watching, even if it was just Jack. While she knew they were both fine with this idea, Ianto had confided that Jack, when jealous, was extremely possessive. It resulted in spectacular sex, apparently. So she endeavoured to make Jack’s possessiveness come out just as much as Owen’s jealousy. She couldn’t help herself with those two, she would always be their matchmaker17.

She sighed when they parted. “If only you’d been a bit older,” she said, caressing his face tenderly. “And I wasn’t already obsessed with Owen, of course.”

“If only I’d been single,” Ianto replied, his eyes warm with affection. “But things are the way they are. You want Owen, I want Jack. Making them both green with envy serves both our purposes.”

The scamp; he had known exactly what Tosh had been thinking!

“I think you might be adding to your film collection later,” he whispered in her ear. “I really do need to go down to the archives now. You should go back up. I think a secret snog is enough to start out with.”

Tosh disagreed, she pulled Ianto back down, gave him a long, tender kiss.

“Now it’s enough,” she said. She turned away, looked back longingly and started to return to the main Hub, straightening her blouse and hair in full view of the cameras.

.oOo.

"You have no idea how hard it has been to keep my hands to myself all day, watching you with Tosh." 

From his vantage point of having his back pressed to the glass wall of Jack's office and Jack pressed to his front, Ianto actually had a very good idea. But even if Jack hadn't been all over him like a rash the instant they were alone:

"Really? No idea?"

Jack had his pheromones, Ianto had the perfect counter. Judicious application of The Eyebrows ensured a compliant and generally agreeable Jack18.

"Okay, maybe a bit of an idea, but you knew that about me going into this."

"Tosh means the world to me, but it will never be... whatever this is." He palmed Jack through his trousers. "Let me make up for teasing you all day."

Jack's eyes widened as Ianto pulled his stopwatch out. It was a favourite game by now: Ianto would see how long he could tease Jack before he either came or turned the tables. His times had reduced dramatically since Ianto had had to throw the handcuffs away19, because now he always snapped, reset the watch, and enjoyed watching his patient Welshman come apart under him instead.

 

14 And Ianto had to persuade Jack that, just because she hadn’t specifically specified it in her rules, it was unlikely that Tosh wanted him grabbing her breasts at inappropriate moments. Touching her bum in public was a little risqué, but not completely inappropriate. Touching her breasts was, even if it was just to wind Owen up.

15 Depending on one’s point of view, naturally. He didn’t suppose Owen would see this as being ‘good’. Not at first, anyway.

16 Not that Ianto disliked Gwen. She was good at her job, and she had led them reasonably well when Jack had been away, but she tended to treat him like a baby brother. Not just a little brother, like Tosh did, but one who needed coddling and watching constantly. She wasn’t that much older than him, not really, and he had much more experience with aliens than she did. That and he knew when not to push Jack, of course. Gwen didn’t seem to know when to stop on occasions, and that irritated the hell out of him just as much as it did Jack.

17 Purely for their sakes, of course. There was absolutely no vested interest in adding to her pornographic database at all. Not even a tiny bit.

18 Jack had, once, actually submitted paperwork in an attempt to classify Ianto’s eyebrows as a weapon, and therefore could only be checked out and used with his express permission. After he had laughed himself stupid at the sheer ridiculousness of the very idea, Ianto had been absolutely flabbergasted that Jack had actually done paperwork without being nagged about ten times. It had been framed for posterity, and was hanging in Ianto’s tiny office in the Archives. He was quite proud of it. Needless to say, however, Ianto had not actually bothered to properly file it, and did not intend to.

19 Jack Didn’t Talk about what happened while he was away, but Ianto wasn’t an idiot. The first time they had been a bit more adventurous, Jack had screamed his safe word as soon as he was restrained, and had trembled for hours afterwards. The cuffs had gone, as had every other restraining device in their toy box.


	4. Upping the Ante

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jack joins the party and Owen starts paying attention.

Things seemed to be progressing: Owen was starting, with a little nudging from Gwen, to notice that Tosh and Ianto were inappropriately close. At first he had laughed it off, then he had seen it for himself. Then he started to look not at Tosh, but the Teaboy, trying to recall if he had received a head injury recently. Or if both of them had been dosed with one of those aphrodisiac pollens that Jack talked about so wistfully20. He ran surreptitious scans, but found nothing out of the ordinary for the Hub.

After another couple of days of Ianto and Tosh ‘subtly’ sneaking off for snogs, Jack decided it was time to up their game. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact he was starting to feel left out21; just that Owen didn’t quite seem to believe that Ianto would cheat on Jack22.

So Jack descended one day when they were playing the monitor game (this time with Tosh leaning over Ianto’s shoulder). He immediately draped an arm over Ianto’s shoulder and rested his other hand on Tosh’s bottom. He felt her tense, just a fraction, and he was a hair’s-breadth away from removing it when she tipped her head and rested it against his shoulder. Not a mixed signal at all, then. There was a strangled gasp behind them from Gwen, followed by a frantic tapping of keys – no doubt IMing Owen.

“So, what’re you kids up to?” Jack asked loudly.

“Just compiling some data on Rift spikes,” Tosh said. “Ianto wanted to collate some of the old records and compare them with the Rift figures.”

“It might give us better predictions,” Ianto said. And, glancing at his screen, Jack discovered that that was exactly what they _were_ doing! Go figure. “Or at least a better indication of whether I need to stock up on plankton, carrots or baby rats.”

“So, is this going to free you up for more worthwhile pursuits any time soon?”

“It’s a work in progress, Jack,” Tosh piped up. “But hopefully.”

She sounded a bit too cheerful at the prospect.

“Brilliant. Keep me posted.” He turned Tosh’s head and kissed her. It was quick and flirty, but to the casual observer it would suggest familiarity. It was how he would kiss Ianto in the Hub when they didn’t want it to lead to something else. Ianto, not wanting to be left out, tipped his head back. Jack moved readily, bending over to kiss his partner.

Gwen was gaping like a fish out of water. Oh, this was going to be great.

.oOo.

“But how does it even work?”

Owen fixed her with a disbelieving look. “Do you want me to draw you a picture?”

“No! Well… How?”

Owen sighed. “It’s the same, only with more people. How the hell do you think Jack and Ianto do it?”

Gwen flushed23.

“Teaboy sticks his cock up Jack’s arse,” Owen said bluntly. “If Tosh is playing too, then I’m sure I don’t want to know who sticks what where, but good for Tosh. She could stand to unwind a bit.”

“Ianto?” Gwen’s eyes were wide. “No. Don’t be daft, Owen.”

Owen gave her a condescending smile. “You watch them after they’ve been ‘in the archives’ and tell me if I’m wrong.”

Gwen smiled and shook her head. “You’re wrong. I just know it. Jack’s not like that.”

Owen sighed. “Whatever. You just keep watching them.”

 

Given that they were in the autopsy bay, neither of them saw Tosh’s eyes light up as she hastily compiled an audio file of the conversation from the Hub’s surveillance equipment and emailed it to Jack, with instructions to open it only when he and Ianto were alone. Which, of course, she knew very well they were. She was treated to the sound of Jack roaring with laughter a few moments later.

.oOo.

They took her out that evening. Ianto had booked a table at a nice Italian restaurant well-frequented by Cardiff’s LGBT and poly communities24. It wasn’t something that they usually worried about when they went out together, but a romantic meal for three might raise too many eyebrows elsewhere. They talked, laughed (at first about Gwen and Owen and the plan, but then about normal things like last week’s snot monster), flirted. Ianto and Tosh shared a bottle of wine, which led Jack to believe he was being indoctrinated into their ‘let’s whine about men’ club. At least, that was what he assumed they did when they went to the pub together25.

Tosh was positively beaming as Jack drove them back to Ianto’s flat, where they, for some reason known only to themselves, determined it would be a good idea to start a game of Monopoly. Ianto appeared to have an opened bottle of wine from when they had cooked bolognaise last week, and it got emptied into three glasses26.

Tosh sighed, leaning back against the sofa. “This is nice. We need to do this more often.”

Jack took advantage of her inattentiveness to land on her property without paying. 

“You’re welcome any time, Tosh.”

Tosh looked positively scandalised. “But if I was always here, I wouldn’t get to hear about your nocturnal adventures.” She grinned up at Jack, all traces of the innocent computer geek gone.

“No, you might _actually_ hear them instead,” Jack replied.

“No she wouldn’t,” Ianto said bluntly as he took his turn. “CCTV is one thing, actually listening in from the next room is creepy.”

“Spoilsport,” Tosh grumbled good-naturedly. She picked up the dice and blinked, noticing the board. “Hey, I’m already losing, Jack.”

“I’m not that far behind you,” Jack replied, gesturing to his meagre funds, then pointing to Ianto’s quietly-accumulated fortune.

“You know, I’m glad neither of you are into world domination,” he added. “You’d be very good at it between you, and the world would probably be grateful by the time it actually noticed.”

“Who’s to say we haven’t already started?” Ianto said. He raised an eyebrow as Tosh landed on Piccadilly. She sighed and flipped over her few remaining properties in order to raise the cash to pay him.

Jack shrugged. “Just be discrete. Lizzie disapproves of abusing Torchwood facilities for that kind of thing.”

“I really wish you wouldn’t call her majesty ‘Lizzie’,” Ianto grumbled. “It’s disrespectful.”

Jack laughed. “I’ve known her since she was ten,” he pointed out. “And I won’t tell you what old Bertie caught us doing in the glasshouse, back in ‘45.”

“Please don’t.”

Tosh actually did want to hear more, but was surprised when she yawned suddenly.

“Oh, it’s late!”

Tosh privately thought Ianto wasn’t entirely accurate when she looked at the clock: at three a.m., it was dangerously close to being _early_. Thank goodness they didn’t have to be in work tomorrow.

“Let’s say Ianto’s won, and I’ll go and get the sheets,” Jack suggested, getting up and clearing their long-empty wine glasses away.

“You can’t tell me that’s not a relationship,” Tosh hissed as she started to gather up the property cards and sort them into order27. “He’s ‘getting sheets’. He lives here.”

Ianto shrugged and sorted the money. “It’s not that simple. Jack doesn’t like labels.”

“A name doesn’t change anything,” Tosh pointed out. “We haven’t got names for half the things in the archives, but that doesn’t change what they do, or did. You’re a couple.” She prodded an accusing finger at Ianto.

“Perhaps.” He folded the board into the box and placed it carefully to one side. “Now, give me a hand with this.”

Together, with the ease born from lots of practice, they unfolded Ianto’s sofa bed, just in time for Jack to appear with the bedding. They made short work of making up the bed, and Tosh let them both use the bathroom before inquiring after her toothbrush.

“Same place as usual,” Ianto told her.

It was. In the few weeks since she had last stayed with Ianto, his toothbrush holder had acquired another resident, but her spare one was still there. Gwen really would have a fit if she saw that – it really did look like the three of them were living together. Now, if only Owen would wake up and smell the roses.

.oOo.

Jack pressed Ianto against the wall, kissing him soundly.

“Tosh is in the next room,” Ianto hissed when Jack finally let him up for air.

“You don’t normally have a problem with that,” Jack said softly.

“Because you can measure that distance in multiple yards, with soundproof glass between your office and the main Hub, not a couple of feet and a stud wall.”

“You’ll have to be quiet then,” Jack challenged.

“Me?”28

Jack pressed a finger to his lips and nodded. Ianto gave him a withering look before deftly sucking Jack’s finger into his mouth. Jack bit back a whimper as Ianto illustrated with his tongue exactly what he would do to Jack’s cock.

* * *

20 Not that they had ever found any. Owen was starting to believe that it was all bollocks, and Jack was winding them up.

21 Nope, definitely not

22 Proving once and for all that Owen understood absolutely nothing about Ianto, or their relationship.

23 Honestly, this from a woman who had walked in on them at least twice to Owen’s knowledge. Perhaps they hadn’t gotten to the main show either time, but Owen was pretty certain she was disappointed by that fact.

24 If nothing else, Ianto had done his homework. By which, he had Googled it.

25 To be fair, he was right, on the whole: Tosh moaned about the fact Owen appeared to be blind; Ianto groused about how much of an arse Jack had been that particular day/week/century.

26 It was nice wine. It had been sacrilege to cook with it in the first place and Jack wasn’t being left out this time. He could bitch about his man too (even if he was in the room). Unfair use of Eyebrows counted, right?

27 She knew better than not to pander to Ianto’s OCD just because it was three in the morning. That sort of thing could get a girl uninvited, or her CCTV privileges revoked for an unspecified period, or decaf, or instant, or, worst of all, an unleashing of The Eyebrows. Possibly coupled with The Hands On Hips for maximum effect.

28 Because Ianto was the one with volume-control issues. Yeah…


	5. No Girls Allowed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jack and Ianto play a different game for a day.

“So,” Jack said, grinning up at Ianto, “how do you want to do this?”

Ianto squinted down at him, lying on his front, sprawled naked across the bed with his chin propped on his hands, Ianto’s glasses perched on his nose.

“Do what?” he asked, grabbing his specs. He slid them into place, bringing Jack into focus29.

“Do we screw with Owen or Gwen?”

Ah, the audio file Tosh had been good enough to send them yesterday, the one that Jack had found absolutely hilarious, right before he had gotten that naughty gleam in his eyes30. Ianto considered their options, and felt the smirk spread over his face.

“Why not both?” he suggested. “It’ll have to be Gwen first, because otherwise she’ll be insufferable, thinking she’s right. Then we’ll do Owen, so to speak.”

Jack grabbed Ianto’s wrist, pulled him back onto the bed. “I’d rather you did me.”

“That was the intention. At first, at least.”

“I like the way you think, Mr Jones.”

Ianto rolled his eyes, pressed a kiss firmly to Jack’s waiting mouth and pulled himself free. “Coffee.”

Jack actually looked contrite. The power of Ianto’s coffee!

“That said, what about Tosh?”

“She’ll probably want a cup too,” Jack said.

“Jack.”

He shrugged, an odd effect since he was now lying on his back.

“She needs to be ‘involved’ in this. And if it looks like we’re being rough with each other…”

“Why don’t you ask me?” Tosh suggested from the other side of the door.

“Tosh! Come in!”

“No! Don’t!”

Tosh’s musical laugh drifted through the wood. “Ianto, don’t worry: I know better than that.”

“Come on, Tosh, you’re supposed to be familiar with my body.”

Ianto rolled his eyes again and sighed. “Everyone at Torchwood is familiar with your body, Jack. Far too familiar.31”

Tosh was still giggling, a little too manically for the pre-coffee hours. Ianto slipped out the door and dragged her away to his kitchenette. Despite his jovial invitation, Jack needed his space in the morning, and Ianto could certainly entertain Tosh for long enough to let Jack sneak into the bathroom.

“Sounds like you’ll have a few more ‘Janto’ productions,” Ianto said dryly as he pulled the espresso from the fridge.

Tosh raised her eyebrows. “It sounds like I’m going to have to pretend to have taken part in them.” She pulled a packet of muffins from the bread bin and moved around Ianto to get the bread knife.

He watched her, amused. “And you accuse Jack of living here.”

“I don’t keep a razor here,” she responded sweetly, slicing muffins and dropping them into the toaster. “Or get sheets.”

.oOo.

They were settling into a routine; flirting, pecks here and there, the odd trip either to Jack’s office or the archives for some more convincing ‘quality time’32 33; sometimes just two of them, but occasionally all three. Tosh found she enjoyed being held between the two of them and kissed from both sides. They would go out for a ‘date’ at least once a week, and generally end up playing some board game or another. Ianto turned out to have quite a collection. And he was good at all of them.

Tosh went to her mother’s sixtieth birthday alone, and Jack and Ianto were both surprised to feel her absence keenly. They were becoming accustomed to having her in their lives. However, there were opportunities to be had because of her absence rather than in spite of it: about an hour before a scheduled staff meeting, Ianto took Jack a cup of coffee, closed the door behind him and shut the blinds.

“Do you have plans?” Jack asked, looking up from his paperwork and assessing the change in the environment. Ianto grabbed his shirt and kissed him soundly.

“I’ve got you to myself for the first time in three weeks,” Ianto said when they parted, his voice low. “I intend to make the most of it.”

Jack shivered with desire. Ianto’s voice was always guaranteed to get him hot and bothered. Even though he knew Ianto purposely thickened his accent to turn Jack on. He appreciated the effort.

Ianto was like a man possessed: he licked, sucked and fingered until Jack was sat on the edge of his own desk, begging to be taken. It was a request Ianto was all too happy to oblige. 

It was only afterwards, as he struggled to get comfortable in the meeting, that he recalled their agreement to fuck with Gwen’s head. Her eyes were practically out on stalks every time he shifted position, so he made sure to do it more often than strictly necessary, looking at Ianto as he did so.

Ianto sighed as he picked up the mugs after Gwen positively fled, and Owen followed at a more reasonable pace. “I don’t think she listened to a word of that.”

Jack grinned and snagged Ianto’s tie, pulling his young lover into his lap.

“Jack,” Ianto said, turning to deposit the mugs back on the table. “They could have spilled.”

“I’d much rather we spilled something else,” Jack purred.

Ianto grimaced momentarily at the picture painted in his head by Jack’s comment. “Okay, I’m twenty-five: what’s your excuse for being this horny?”

“I think…” Jack actually appeared to think about the question for a moment. “…you could have done a better job earlier.” He paused, before whispering in Ianto’s ear: “I’m sure you said you were going to fuck me into next week.”

Ianto’s mouth went dry as the blood got redirected from his head34. Jack wasn’t playing fair, what with the seductive voice and smile and the tickle of lips on his ear, stubble against his cheek, and the pheromones that Ianto wasn’t even trying to avoid.

Jack chuckled and lifted him easily onto the edge of the table.

“They’re not doing anything they can’t finish off tomorrow,” Jack purred in his ear as he stood, completely encroaching on Ianto’s personal space. Ianto shivered with desire.

Jack went to the door and shouted something down to Gwen and Owen. Dimly, he heard Owen shout something obscene back35, but nothing really registered until Jack returned and pulled him into a searing kiss.

* * *

29 While Ianto hated his glasses in theory, in practice they made looking at things a lot easier. And being able to focus on Jack was definitely not a bad thing. Especially when he was naked.

30 Ianto both loved and feared the gleam: it generally led to them having some amazing sex, but also having to worm their way out of being arrested by Cardiff’s finest for indecent exposure. Again.

31 Especially Gwen.

32 Mainframe, while supportive of the endeavour in general, was dead-set against having them invade her server room for their shenanigans, so they stuck to Jack and Ianto’s domains. For an AI, she was surprisingly good with threats. Particularly when they involved Tosh’s secret ‘Janto’ folder and Torchwood-wide emails.

33 The ‘Torchwood-wide’ mailing list may or may not have included Archie Campbell in Glasgow and select members of the royal family. Mainframe wasn’t specific, and they didn’t want to test her.

34 And, more specifically, his brain

35 Hub recordings would later reveal this to be “I’m not treating any more fucking friction burns on Jones’ knob!” Much, much later.


	6. The Catch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tosh returns, Gwen is Gwennish and Owen finds himself dwelling on the situation.

Tosh arrived back at the Hub bright and early the following morning, finding not only Jack and Ianto, as she expected, but Gwen as well. Her boys gave her bright smiles, but before either of them could descend from Jack’s office, Gwen whisked her away and into an alcove.

“Look, Tosh, I know it’s not really any of my business36,” Gwen began hesitantly, her eyes huge, “but Jack and Ianto… Well, they…”

Tosh smiled. She had a very good idea of what Gwen was trying to tell her. “What, Gwen? They seemed okay. Did something happen yesterday? Did one of them get hurt?37”

“No, no, nothing like that,” Gwen assured her. The former copper was holding Tosh’s hand, patting it in what she probably thought was a reassuring manner. It just amused Tosh all the more. “They were just, well, Jack sent me and Owen home early.”

“Oh, is that all?” Tosh made herself sound relieved3839. “They had sex?”

Gwen looked flabbergasted and Tosh really had to rein herself in to stop herself from laughing as much as she wanted to, managing to contain it to a carefree little giggle.

“Gwen, it’s sweet that you’re concerned, really40, but our relationship isn’t like that. I have a lot of fun with Jack and Ianto, but it’s not serious. In fact, I would have been more surprised if they hadn’t taken advantage of me being away.” She sighed. “They’re sweet, talented men, but I think they’ve forgotten that women aren’t fragile little flowers.”

She gave Gwen a knowing look, making the other woman flush with embarrassment. Tosh took advantage of Gwen’s speechlessness.

“I’m going to go and say hello. Shall I get Ianto to bring you some coffee?”

Gwen nodded slowly, and Tosh turned back to the main Hub. She was had only taken one step when Gwen grabbed her hand.

“Tosh, be careful,” she implored. “Don’t let them hurt you.”

Tosh nodded, squeezed Gwen’s hand and headed upstairs. She held in her laughter until the door was shut behind her.

.oOo.

Gwen came down the stairs and leaned nonchalantly against the wall before Owen had even had a chance to get his feet under his desk.

“Oh, bloody hell, what?”

Gwen had that earnest, sincere expression with the enormous, anime eyes. He knew it all too well41.

“I talked to Tosh.”

Owen shook his head and turned to log on to his computer. “Not interested, Gwen.42"

“I’m worried she’s going to get hurt. She says it’s not serious, but she ‘s always had a soft spot for Ianto, and Jack’s easy to fall for. If you like that kind of thing, I mean.43”

Owen sighed and turned back to her. “Gwen, Tosh is a big girl. She can look after herself, and if she wants to get her rocks off with them, then let her. Now, kindly fuck off and let me work.”

She gave him a hard look before turning and flouncing up the stairs. Relieved, Owen turned back to his computer and pulled up the files he had earmarked for today. However, despite his proclamations to Gwen, he found that he did care after all. He was glad that things weren’t serious, because neither of them were good enough for Tosh. Tosh was special; she deserved a special kind of guy. She deserved someone who appreciated her brilliance, and who thought the sun shone out of her arse. She deserved someone who would take her out to dinner, and buy her flowers on a whim. Someone who would remember her birthday, and anniversaries44.

While Ianto might fit those categories45, Jack fucking Harkness did not. And even someone blind could see that they were completely in love with each other. It had taken Owen a long time to see that, and if he could see it, Tosh definitely could46. It made him wonder how their relationship, whatever the hell it was, had begun47.

.oOo.

They each had their duties to attend to that morning, and they found themselves separated: Jack stuck up in his office, Tosh and Mainframe still trying to find any correlations in Ianto’s historical riftugee data, and Ianto down in the archives, finding said data. The closest contact they got was when Ianto came around with coffee and the takeaway menu for the local sushi bar for lunch.

After the entertainment of watching Owen try to eat ‘healthy shit48’ with chopsticks49, Tosh lurked in the conference room with Jack and Ianto50.

“Owen’s been looking your way,” Ianto remarked as she passed him a pile of plastic containers.

“We all were,” Jack said around a mouthful of noodles. “We were trying to work out how the hell you picked up those roll things.”

Tosh just smiled knowingly as Ianto kicked Jack in the ankle.

“Do you want us to back off a bit and see if he takes the bait?” Ianto asked her as he produced a damp cloth51 and started wiping the noodle-and-rice-strewn table.

“A little,” Tosh said. “Hopefully Gwen’s told him what I said to her this morning, so he might have worked out that I’m not actually spoken for.”

“How about we dial it down here,” Jack suggested, “and keep up the dates? That way, we’re not rubbing his face in it quite so much.”

.oOo.

Following Jack’s52 suggestion, they tried: they cut down their flirting in the Hub to a bare minimum53, but Owen’s attention was focussed more on the Weevils than Tosh. After a few more days, watching Tosh become more and more frustrated with Owen, Jack came up with a new plan.

“Toshiko?” he said, sidling up to her in an entirely guilty fashion.

She narrowed her eyes at him. Normally that wheedling tone was followed by a request she wasn’t going to like. “What? What have you done?”

Jack shrugged, his eyes twinkling mischievously. “The usual: Ianto, you… But Archie’s having trouble installing his linkup to Mainframe. He’s never been the technical sort.”

Tosh took her glasses off and rubbed the bridge of her nose with a sigh. “Do you want me to go and sort it out?"54

Jack managed to look almost angelic as he put his hands together as if in prayer, a contrite expression and pleading eyes persuading her.

“Fine.”

Jack didn’t move.

“You want me to go now?” She checked her watch. “You’re lucky you’re cute. I’ll grab a few things from home, if Ianto will book me a ticket?”

Jack grinned. “He’s good at that kind of thing.”

He waited while she logged off of her computer, and gave her a goodbye kiss.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” he whispered in her ear. “Take your time.”

The light dawned, and she smiled up at him. “I will.”

.oOo.

Ianto appeared, unsurprisingly, to be in on the plan. As she passed through the tourist office, he handed her a travel itinerary and a map of Glasgow Central station, with a route from one platform to another marked on it.

“Archie’s not that bad, really,” Ianto assured her. “He’s just a bit of a dinosaur, and he’s turned Jack down.”

“Oh, I see.”

“Twice, I believe,” Ianto added, keeping his face neutral, but his eyes danced with laughter.

“His loss.” She sighed. “I’m going to miss you.”

Ianto swept her into his arms and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I’ll miss you too, but it’s only going to be a couple of days. Glasgow is hardly the other side of the world.”

She snuggled into his broad, warm chest, enjoying the sensation of being held. “Oh, I know,” she said. “Take care of Jack while I’m gone.”

He leaned down and whispered: “I intend to get him to take care of me.”

Tosh’s face lit up. “Ooh, excellent. Save me the footage?”

Ianto laughed. “Don’t we always, minx?”

* * *

36 Things were rarely Gwen’s business, as far as Tosh could tell. That didn’t tend to stop her sticking her well-intentioned but often unwelcomed nose in.

37 Tosh had to stop herself from laughing there: knowing what her boys had been planning, it was more than likely that Jack, although in all probability had not been injured, had at the very least been somewhat uncomfortable for some time.

38 It wasn’t hard: Tosh was well aware that she had been encroaching more than she had intended on Jack and Ianto’s personal life, and she was glad they had spent some quality time together while she had been away.

39 The hard part was stopping herself sounding as excited as was: hopefully Mainframe had been good enough to stash the video files in her secret-from-Gwen folder.

40 Not really, but Gwen’s bleeding heart made their game with Owen all the more interesting. Because she would tell him everything, whether he cared or not. Of course, Tosh was somewhat counting on him actually giving a damn.

41 They all knew it all too fucking well – it was the look she used on people she wanted to cooperate with her. These days, she generally pulled it out alongside a bottle of retcon-laced water, or for evil, psychotic aliens she didn’t particularly want to kill her. Or Jack.

42 That was, at least, true: he really didn’t want to know precisely what positions Jack and Ianto were contorting her into.

43 Gwen clearly thought no-one had noticed her repeated attempts to seduce Jack at the beginning of her time with Torchwood. Even Owen would admit that Jack was handsome enough, in a clean-cut, flashy kind of way, but Gwen had drooled for a long time. Even after her affair with him, and her engagement to Rhys. Even after Jack had practically proclaimed his undying (ha!) love for Ianto in front of the whole team.

44 In other words, someone completely the opposite of Owen himself. He was utterly crap at all of that. He didn’t know how Katie had put up with it all for so long.

45 Owen swore that, if he ever had the misfortune of conducting Ianto’s autopsy, he would find a Filofax where his brain should be.

46 And yet, for some reason, Gwen still struggled with the concept.

47 Especially since Tosh had enough taste not to be the kind of person who lusted over Jack Harkness.

48 Owen’s food philosophy was that they weren’t going to live long enough to deal with cholesterol issues or die of a heart attack from excess sodium intake, so why worry?

49 Gwen and Jack were little better, admittedly, but at least they were more polite, and more appreciative of the food itself. Gwen seemed to enjoy the change of pace from their normal pizza/Chinese/curry diet.

50 Ianto was clearing up the empty sushi containers, and the mess their less dexterous colleagues had left behind. Jack was… well, he was ogling Ianto while still valiantly battling with his prawn yakisoba and his chopsticks.

51 From where, exactly, Tosh couldn’t determine. Cloths seemed to regularly appear in Ianto’s hand from nowhere, and no-one batted an eyelid at it. One of these days, she would have to watch in slow-motion on the CCTV and work it out.

52 surprising and insightful

53 To as little as would not be suspicious in its own right, anyway. For Jack to stop flirting completely would be even more suspect than him, say, shagging someone senseless in the hothouse.

54 Great – spending time in the frozen north with a cantankerous Glaswegian was her absolute favourite way to spend her days.


	7. While the Cat Is Away...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jack and Ianto mess with Owen some more.

It was only once she was gone that Owen realised just how much Tosh did for him: she was always the one who brought him his coffee down55, she brought him sandwiches when he skipped a meal or three, she would scrub in as an extra pair of hands just because he looked like he needed them, and the right instrument would be right there when he needed it. She was like having his own personal Ianto, but without the added snark. She lit up the room and made it feel like more than just a clinical space.

And those two ungrateful bastards didn’t deserve her. It seemed like the second she was out the door, they were all over each other. Owen had only nipped down to the Archives to get some old Weevil reports, only to round a corner and find Jack sucking Ianto off. 

Owen had blown a fuse and given them a dressing-down detailing specifically what ‘privacy’ and ‘closed doors’ meant in the twenty-first century. Jack was completely unashamed, but at least Ianto had the decency to look mortified56.

“Look, personally I don’t give a shit what you two get up to in your spare time,” he concluded, “but Tosh doesn’t deserve this.”

Jack grinned and Owen was suddenly absolutely certain he didn’t want to hear what was about to be said.

“If I know Tosh, she’s probably watching.” Jack pointed up at the CCTV camera, completely unrepentantly.

Owen occasionally hated it when he was right57. He turned away sharply and cursed them both loudly as he walked away.

 

.oOo.

 

“Tosh, you should have heard Owen,” Jack said gleefully, just after Ianto had related the story to Tosh over a video call. He was leaning over the back of the sofa, cheerfully annoying Ianto.

“He was quite angry on your behalf,” Ianto acknowledged. “You don’t deserve us… I’m sure Owen considers it to be cheating on you.”

Tosh looked hopeful. “Do you really think he was worried about me in that way, or just as a friend?”

“Toshiko, trust me, he’s got it bad,” Jack said. “He wouldn’t have been that upset with us if he didn’t.”

She smiled at them both, a faint, girlish blush highlighting her cheeks as she thought about Owen.

“How’s Archie?” Jack asked, finally coming to sit beside Ianto.

“He says to tell you he’s still not interested,” Tosh said, sounding somewhat relieved to be discussing something a little more concrete than her fictitious love-life58.

Both men laughed. “Tell him I miss him too.”

“I’ve got everything ready to go in Glasgow tomorrow,” Tosh continued, “and on Thursday we’ll head up to the house and link that up too.”

Ianto whimpered. “Don’t destroy that beautiful wood panelling,” he all but begged.

 

.oOo.

 

Jack growled at the phone as he slammed the receiver into its cradle. At the door, Ianto sighed and wondered how long it would be before he had to requisition yet another phone for Jack’s desk.

“They insisted on talking to you,” he said by means of apology, entering and bringing a cup of coffee with him. He stood behind Jack and started to rub his shoulders. Jack started to relax into it before he straightened up and pushed Ianto’s hands away. He turned to Ianto with a hard expression.

“I don’t think you deserve to touch me,” he said. “You’ve been avoiding me all day, hiding down in the Archives while I have to speak to both UNIT and the Home Office.”

Ianto tried to look contrite, and was absolutely certain that he failed miserably59. “I’m sorry, sir.” At least he managed to keep his voice respectful. “Is there any way I can make it up to you?”

“Oh, I’m sure I can think of a suitable punishment for you.” Jack stood, and Ianto marvelled at how, at the same height, Jack was able to loom over him. He moved to the door and closed it firmly. Ianto fought to keep himself from trembling in anticipation.

“Drop your trousers.”

Ianto complied quickly, his hands fumbling slightly with the belt in his haste. His underwear did nothing to disguise the fact that he was eagerly anticipating their game.

Jack tutted and shook his head. “This just won’t do, Mr Jones,” he scolded. “Perhaps you need some extra punishment?”

Ianto swallowed and put on his best accent. “Whatever you think is best, sir.”

His effort clearly did not go unnoticed: Jack’s eyes dilated, and Ianto was half-surprised that Jack didn’t dispense with the game entirely and throw him to the ground there and then60.

“Bend over the desk.”

Ianto had to shuffle his feet in an entirely undignified manner to comply, but he did as he was told, deciding to give the movement a little more ‘sway’ than was entirely necessary.

“Impertinence, Jones, will result in further punishment.”

“Yes, sir.”

The drawer to Ianto’s left was opened, and out of the corner of his eye, he could see what Jack removed. Who the hell had a wooden ruler these days? 

 

.oOo.

 

Owen watched suspiciously as Ianto came somewhat gingerly down the stairs, bringing his caffeine fix.

“Is there anything else I can get you?” Ianto asked, clocking the additional attention.

Owen frowned. “No, nothing. Er, can we get some more of that sushi tonight?”

Ianto smiled. “Of course. Email me a list of anything you particularly fancy.”

As Ianto ascended the stairs again, Owen suddenly, sickeningly, realised what was wrong with Ianto. Fuck, Gwen had been right as well about who stuck what where61. The Teaboy wasn’t going to be sitting with them tonight, he suspected. If Jack was going to be that rough, rather Ianto than Tosh, Owen reasoned as he grabbed his coffee. That said:

_‘Please come back – they behave better when you’re here.’_

_‘Owen, what are you talking about?’_

_‘At least Ianto can still walk when you’re around.’_

_‘…I’ll be back on Friday.’_

_‘I’m not sure there’s enough brain bleach to last until then.’_

* * *

55 Admittedly, Ianto was filling in admirably, but Owen didn’t find him quite so enjoyable to look at.

56 Although, come to think of it, he always did when they were caught with their trousers down. Didn’t stop the bastard, though.

57 The bigger problem there was that he knew Jack was right too – Tosh had turned out to have a kinky, voyeuristic side that none of them had expected. It was always the bloody quiet ones.

58 And the potentially not-fictitious love-life they were trying to secure because of it.

59 If this was going the way he suspected, he was looking forward to it too much to actually be contrite. ‘Lustful’ and ‘excited’ were adjectives that sprang somewhat more readily to mind.

60 But sometimes Jack could be patient, if he knew the end result would be worth it.

61 Bollocks, he was never going to live that down.


	8. Epilogue: In the Wake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tosh takes the final step

They had all gone home emotionally wrung-out. Even Jack and Ianto left the Hub, choosing to go back to Ianto’s flat, where both wine and spirits awaited. Even Jack felt like getting thoroughly trashed tonight.

He was nursing his third whisky when the doorbell rang. Ianto disentangled himself from Jack and stumbled to the door62 to find Tosh there with tear-tracks staining her cheeks, her eyes red from crying. It seemed like months since she had last been here, not a week, just before she had gone to Glasgow on some fool’s errand, the grand purpose of which was now completely redundant: the day she had got back was the day everything had gone to shit. He folded her into his arms and hugged her for a long time before guiding her in, towards the sofa. Jack pressed a glass of wine into her hand and she took a mouthful before speaking, her eyes fixed on Jack.

“When I go, don’t do that to me.”

He sat down beside her so that she was between him and Ianto, and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I promise.”

It was a relatively easy promise to make, now that he had seen the consequences63. In fact, Ianto had demanded the same of him not an hour ago.

“I don’t know what to feel,” Tosh said, now looking to Ianto. “I can’t grieve, because he’s still with us. I should be happy about that, but I’m not. And if he’s dead, but still walking and talking, what the hell is ‘life’?!”

“Damned if I know,” Jack said softly, putting an arm around her.

“Have the religions got it all wrong?” Tosh went on, barely even acknowledging that Jack had spoken. “Is it all about sensation? About food and sex and connections to people? Because that’s what Owen can’t do, isn’t it? Is that what I should make the most of?”

“I think Owen would say yes.” Ianto took a sip of his wine to illustrate his point. “What this has made me realise, Tosh, is that you and I don’t have forever. We have a few short, hard years left, so we should enjoy what we can while we can.”

Tosh pondered this point for a moment before leaning over and kissing Ianto. It wasn’t one of their flirty kisses; this wasn’t just for show. She needed to feel something, _anything_ ; to feel _alive_. She nearly wept once more when Ianto pulled away, and Jack pulled her back into his arms.

“Is this what you really want?” Jack asked her as Ianto brushed the tears that had trickled from her eyes, unnoticed.

She wrapped her arms around his, grateful for even this small amount of human contact. “I don’t know,” she admitted in a small voice.

Ianto cuddled in beside them. His eyes were full of compassion, of understanding, and suddenly she was horribly embarrassed.

“Oh God, I should go. I…”

She tried to get out of Jack’s embrace, but he held her tightly. Ianto grabbed hold of her hand, stroking his thumb over the back.

“Tosh, we both care about you, deeply,” he told her. “If this is what you need, there is no way we are going to let you go out there and screw some random stranger. _That_ would be the epitome of meaningless sex.”

“Ianto’s right,” Jack said, daring to stroke her cheek now that she had stopped trying to run away. “We love you, and we’ll look after you.”

She turned her head to look up at him. His soft smile was filled with affection and Tosh realised she had made the right choice by coming here. They would never love her the same way they loved each other, but that was as it should be: she didn’t love them the same way she loved Owen. Their friendship was purely platonic, but strong and stable enough to withstand anything they could throw at it, including whatever would happen tonight.

* * *

62 He wasn’t particularly drunk, just his legs had gone to sleep.

63 While Owen didn’t fit the stereotype for ‘zombie’, Jack still wasn’t going to subject anyone else to that. Eternal life sucked enough: eternal death would be absolutely hellish. He wasn’t going to put anyone else through that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God, you're all going to hate me for finishing like this. This was always the ending, but I was hoping for some more story. I've actually got a beginning written for Chapter 8, which was completely unplanned, just that Tosh and Owen ran away with things, and then ended up in a knot I couldn't untangle.
> 
> So, rather than just leaving the story unfinished, I worked one sentence into this epilogue that has been written almost since the beginning. It wasn't fair to leave this story, that I love so much, without some resolution or other. Please don't kill me.


End file.
